


Please Don't Go (I Love You So)

by nancypants (cah_avengers)



Category: Marvel, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Cherik - Freeform, Comfort, Fix-It, M/M, had so many feelings so i had to write this, i can never be serious about tags lol, rly gay, sad babies, set right after apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7142468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cah_avengers/pseuds/nancypants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Apocalypse, Charles is perfectly content; he's surrounded by everyone he loves, his home is no longer rubble, and his students are safe.</p><p>Erik knows tragedy and misery are never far off when he has found peace. He can't stay and ruin Charles's contentment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Don't Go (I Love You So)

**Author's Note:**

> My beta for this was @neerd, and they did an awesome job since I wrote it in the middle of the night when I had a craving for cherik and couldn't sleep.  
> Title from an alt-J song obviously. Honestly embarrassed at how cheesy it is but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯, not like I could actually come up with a good original title anyway

For a second, Charles feels like he's falling, and it's enough to jolt him from his dream back to the darkness of his room. There's a presence at his side and while his eyes strain to make out the silhouetted figure in the dark, a quick press of his mind brushes against a familiar consciousness.

 

"Erik...what is it?"

 

Charles props himself up slightly on his elbows. Erik is half sitting on the edge of his bed. "I didn't mean to wake you."

 

"So you were going to stare at me while I slept?" Charles tries to sound humorous but his voice is thick with drowsiness and his throat still a little hoarse from the scotch they'd shared during a pre-bed game of chess.

 

"No."

 

"Erik...?"

 

He doesn't register the movement quickly enough in the dark before Erik's lips are pressed tentatively to his own. 

 

They'd kissed only once before: the night preceding that fateful day in Cuba, Charles tipsy with an alcohol blush spreading from his cheeks down to his chest nearly as red as his lips. That button up he wore under his sweater vest was teasingly unbuttoned a few, Charles seemingly unaware of the effect it had on Erik. Erik had pressed Charles against an old oak door and kissed him, which Charles had thoroughly enjoyed, giving in embarrassingly easily and wrapping his arms around Erik's neck. But he had to pull away after a few moments when he saw in Erik's mind just why Erik had taken this leap of faith. Erik knew there was a good chance either or both of them could die in Cuba, and even if they didn't, Erik would do something that would forever alter Charles's good opinion of him. Charles had still been naive then, believing that he'd be able to change Erik, help him choose the better path, thinking foolishly that the prospect of a future with Charles at his school would be enough for Erik to let go of his thirst for revenge.

 

Erik had looked down at him in his arms on the beach the next morning, noting how Charles sported the same blush on his cheeks, traveling down his neck and disappearing beneath the flight suit. He'd found it so endearing the night before, but this blush was one from exertion, and now Charles's brilliant blue eyes were ringed with red, tears of pain, both physical and emotional, sliding down his cheeks. He'd ruined such a beautiful memory, and destroyed any chance for a bright future with Charles by his side. He had known it was going to happen, and had even attempted to prepare himself for it, but he couldn't stop his own tears from falling as he saw Charles's expression reflect disgust and disappointment when it had once glowed with pride and fondness.

 

 

Charles closes his eyes and doesn't pull away from Erik like he knows Erik expects him to. Charles nearly convinces himself this is a dream, that he's been locked inside Apocalypse's mind to be tortured with psychic games forever, but no, he remembers vividly dreaming of something lighthearted and nonsensical just before waking to Erik's presence. He recalls being roused by Jean after she destroyed Apocalypse. He remembers her and Erik rebuilding the house, and the swell of pride Charles felt in his chest watching them work together so perfectly in unison.

 

Erik pulls away abruptly and Charles almost laughs when he realizes he's made absolutely no attempt to reciprocate the kiss. He'd been so caught up in his own thoughts, in verifying his reality to seize the moment, and the man in front of him.

 

"I'm sorry..." 

 

Charles can picture the furrow in Erik's brow so he huffs amusedly before quickly leaning up to kiss Erik in return, smiling as he sucks gently on Erik's lip. He still feels weak from the events only a week earlier, so he slides a hand back into Erik's short hair and tugs him along as he sinks back down onto his plush pillow. Erik's leaning over him now, one hand gripping the silk sheets beside Charles, and the other cupping the back of Charles's neck. Charles fists a hand in Erik's sweater when Erik bites down on his bottom lip then pushes his tongue into his mouth. He's insistent and Charles can begin to feel desperation seeping into the decades of longing and pain that roil just under the surface of Erik's crudely constructed mental shields. He catches a thought, a regret in Erik's mind, and he stills, fingers unclenching from from the knitted fabric. 

 

 

It's from only a few hours ago and Erik is looking at Charles whose eyes are shining and cheeks are beginning to grow red from the alcohol, that signature blush beginning to take form. Charles is laughing because Erik is turning the tide against him in their game and he knows it's hopeless. Charles is clearly too tipsy to give enough thought to strategy, so he resigns to defeat, foolishly playing his rook forward. Erik tsks and glides his queen into place, capturing the doomed piece. But when he looks back up at Charles, his eyes catch on his bright red mouth when his tongue darts out to wet his lips. He's suddenly reminded of the night they kissed, and the following day on the beach when he'd ruined every chance of having anything good in his life. 

 

Erik decides he can't ruin anything else good. He can't tear down what Charles has built here with his students, his family. A family Erik will never fit into, because he's not good; he's tried and it cost him everything. He can't risk it all again.

 

 

Charles flattens his palm against Erik's chest and presses gently. "You're leaving. This was a goodbye. Again." Charles feels foolish when hot tears start to make his eyes prickle. He'd actually thought for a moment Erik had finally come to his senses, that he'd finally let go and let himself be happy. That he'd realize that being here with Charles would be best for him, would help him heal. 

 

"I have to."

 

"God, so you snuck in here in the middle of the night...and if I hadn't woken up? Would you have left without a word?"

 

Erik doesn't answer, and Charles feels a physical, bone deep ache in his chest. He'd been content with the way things were. With leaving Erik to himself, with nothing more than friendship as he knew his old friend was still grieving. Charles had been happy with his school and family of students, and Erik by his side as a platonic companion. He had expected nothing more, never even hoped for more, because this was enough for him, plenty in fact. But now he feels shattered yet again, and so often Charles's heartbreak is Erik's doing.

 

Charles wishes he hadn't woken up, that Erik had just gone in the dead of night and left a note. He wants to turn away from Erik but he's still right there, leaning so close over him. 

 

"Tell me to stay."

 

Charles scoffs. "So you can tell me exactly why you won't? I already know why you won't, Erik. I don't care to hear it."

 

"Then ask me to stay."

 

"I won't do that. I know it's not what you want." Charles feels guilty saying that; he knows it's not exactly true, and immediately he feels frustration radiating off of Erik. 

 

"It is what I want, but–"

 

"You just can't." Charles finishes the cliche excuse in a near mocking tone before Erik can deliver the words himself. 

 

He can hear as Erik's teeth click together, and he knows his jaw must be clenched. "No. Charles, you don't know everything."

 

"Then what, Erik? It's what you want but you–"

 

"I'm scared."

 

Charles immediately feels foolish. He always manages to do this. To doubt Erik and hurt him just as Erik is attempting to be completely honest with him. He can't help but realize he's only contributing to Erik's self doubt, and that drives a cold knife of guilt into Charles's gut. The tension Charles has been holding in his muscles eases as he sighs, "Erik, I'm sorry, I–"

 

"Ask me to stay."

 

It takes a while for Charles to realize what Erik is really asking for. But once he does, he endeavors to give him everything he wants. "Stay with me, Erik. You belong here, with me, with Raven and the others. This is your home. We'll protect each other. You won't lose me like you lost them..." He places a hand on Erik's cheek, the short red stubble scraping against his palm, and floods his mind with thoughts of love and encouragement and _please_. He knows Erik knows it but he says it aloud anyway. "I love you. Stay with me."

 

He feels warm tears on his hand before Erik is kissing him again, finally pulling himself fully onto the bed and pressing their bodies together. Charles buries his hand in Erik's hair and keeps a firm grip. Erik's arm is wrapped around his waist, holding almost too tightly for comfort.

 

 _Don't leave me, Charles_ , his voice is insistent and loud in Charles's mind. It's been so long since Erik projected his thoughts the way Charles taught him to. It feels right and Charles could almost cry at the feeling of Erik's mind open to him like it used to be. Charles can still feel the grief and pain, but Erik's thoughts are now dominated by relief and hope and apprehension all at once. Erik is scared of course, he's almost certain this won't end well in the long run, but for now he gives into the vision Charles paints in his head of warmth and family and love. Charles feels the love echoed back at him, though Erik isn't ready to say the words just yet. He's still in mourning, and Charles understands. 

 

Soon, Erik falls asleep at Charles's side, face buried in his neck. Charles absently strokes his fingers through Erik's hair, for a moment cursing Apocalypse for making him prematurely bald. But he's easily distracted by Erik's steady heartbeat. He keeps a gentle presence in Erik's mind, soothing it before any nightmares can take form, though many try. He stays awake, and waits until Erik has fallen into deep, dreamless sleep before he finally gives in. 


End file.
